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BASSCAR: It was bound to happen

I was recently driving back from an Unaccomplished Elk Hunt (more to come on that later), crossing the vast expanse of Eastern Washington. Helping to ease the pain of the fruitless hunt and 6 hour drive was a Fish Schtick podcast in which professional bass fisherman Darren Gallaher was interviewed. Now I’m not a particular fan of a tournament bass fishing (nothing wrong with it, just not my cup o’tea per se), but I do like fast boats so I listened with great interest as Fish Schtick host Teeg Stouffer (of Recycled Fish fame) recalled his butt-puckering experience of racing across the surface of a lake at well over 70 miles per hour. Apparently he left behind some brown stains on the upholstery of Darren’s boat. Good stuff right there – recommend you listen to the podcast HERE.

Another sport of which I’m not a particular fan is car racing, although I do appreciate fast cars (unfortunately I do not own one or the trip would have taken far less time). As I listened to the Fish Schtick podcast I couldn’t help but draw similarities between professional bass tournaments and NASCAR.  With the emphasis on speed and uniforms adorned with sponsor logos, they share much in common, not to mention there are a lot of southern accents in each sport, too. Undoubtedly there is also some overlap with the fan base of each sport. My revelation isn’t anything new, but I’ve yet to see a formal proposal for a new sport that combines the two so here it is…BASSCAR: The inevitable union of NASCAR and Professional Bass Fishing.

NASCAR race cars are to be fitted with hitches (which will attract new sponsors from the hitch manufacturing industry), to which will be coupled bass fishing boats/trailers. Obviously some alterations would have to be made to the trailers in order for them to be able to withstand speeds approaching 200 mph, but that won’t be an issue for the motor heads out there that love to tinker. Lightweight alloys, racing wheels and tires, high speed axles…no problem.

The race courses will be a combination of oval tracks, open roads and boat ramps. And of course, waterways. The cars will scream around the tracks much like they do at NASCAR races, although the track segment of the competition will be considerably shorter so as not to bore the audience to allow for the remainder of the race to conclude within a reasonable amount of time. A certain number of laps would have to be completed before the cars pull into the pits and have their tires changed and bass boat trailers hitched up. At this point the cars, with their boats in tow, would exit the race stadium and hit the open road en route to a distant bass fishing body of water, again at break-neck speeds. Obviously roads would be blocked off to prevent civilian traffic interference. Wildlife that would wish to cross the roads during the race will be on their own.

Once teams have reached the destination waters the drivers will be tasked with quickly backing their trailers through a challenging obstacle course, again at the greatest speeds possible, before descending the ramp and getting the trailers into the water. Good brakes will be essential here. At this point the pit crew would be on hand to quickly unhook the boat and tie it to a nearby dock. A good pit crew will prove invaluable here, tending to matters such as insuring that the drain plugs have been installed and the beer coolers adequately stocked. Prime positioning will be on a first come, first served basis–an incentive to obviously do well prior to this point in the race. The driver must then quickly park his race car and trailer in a designated location some distance away, change out of their race suit and sprint to the dock where the vessel awaits. Once in the boat the angling portion of the competition begins and will play out very much like a bass tournament.

A sport like this would combine the skills of race car driving, recreational trailer maneuvering, and of course, bass fishing. But another aspect of BASSCAR would be physical fitness. The foot race from the designated vehicle/trailer parking lot would be far enough from the boat dock that the race entrants would be required to have a certain level of agility and fitness in order to be competitive. I believe that by including this element it would make the sport more appealing to a wider, west-coast audience, and would of course attract a greater number sponsors, such as Nike and other running/fitness industry companies.

I’m not sure how quickly BASSCAR will take off in popularity, but I do know that the Unaccomplished Angler wants to sponsor a team. Unfortunately there’s not a lot of money in our camp, so Team UA may not be very competitive.

 

25 thoughts on “BASSCAR: It was bound to happen”

  1. You’re in fine form Kirk. Have you considered starting this league yourself? With your connections I think you could get this off the ground.

    1. Kirk Werner says:

      Well, I appreciate the good word, FR, but I’m afraid I don’t have the right connections to make this, or any other important matters happen. But just in case miracles do happen, I’m getting large format UA stickers made to brand my team 😉

  2. Jay says:

    I tried to submit only the word “genius” as my comment but was informed that my comment was “a bit too short.” I hope this is sufficient.

    1. Kirk Werner says:

      That “too short” reference was likely intended for me, Jay- sorry it found you instead. But either way, thanks for the sentiment!

  3. Sanders says:

    Looks like Team UA will have their work cut out for them. You may have to rely on incredible foot speed from the designated parking spot to the dock…

    This might be the ultimate sport!

    1. Kirk Werner says:

      Good thing I don’t plan to be a participant – just a sponsor…of the most Unaccomplished Team on the circuit!

  4. I have more than a few connections in Charlotte…if you’re pickin up what I’m puttin’ down…

    1. Kirk Werner says:

      I’m smellin’ what you’re steppin’ in.

  5. jeff woods says:

    I’m not sure if this is genius or insane. Doesn’t this seem like it would just be amazingly dangerous?

    1. Kirk Werner says:

      Jeff, thanks for the comment. I firmly believe that there is a fine line between the genius and insanity…great ideas like BASSCAR are something one either possesses or laments.

  6. Quill Gordon says:

    I lived on an island on Lake Champlain for a time and when the bass tournaments were on I liked to sit on my porch and watch the boats fly past. Literally. Skipping over the waves at 60-70 mph, they were airborne a good part of the time as they raced from hole to hole. I like your idea a lot because it includes the really important aspects of bass fishing — speed and trailer maneuvering. Make it a full-contact sport and I’m there.

    1. Kirk Werner says:

      Good call, Quill. Through a little MMA into the mix and I think we’ve got something for everyone.

  7. Dave says:

    Kirk,
    You, sir, have just nailed it down… Being a faithful reader, but not always a faithful commenter, I felt like I had to chime in here.
    Growing up in Western North Carolina, afforded me total immersion in NASCAR (which, I’m not particularly a fan of) and Bass fishing (which I grew up doing and still love to do). Having grown up in this area, and the history of NASCAR, maybe I should be more “in tune” but I just can’t get myself to make it through a single snore fest… errr race. Seeing as how my grandfather grew up making and running moonshine, you’d think I’d be more of a fan… Not quite so, but bass fishing. Give me some rapalas, super flukes, a spinner bait, and a lake, I’m there with bells on! Don’t get me wrong, my fly rod would be right there by my side as well.
    Kirk, this is a win-win. EVERYBODY wins on this one. Racing, and fishing all in one sport! What more could you want!

    LOVE IT!

    Dave

    1. Kirk Werner says:

      Thanks, Dave- and good to hear from you. Always appreciate knowing that you’re out there, reading. Because of your inside familiarity, perhaps you can be on the governing board of BASSCAR, and can help establish the mission statement of the organization…?

  8. chuck says:

    Hillbillys are takin over the friggin country! There’s nothin funny about it!

    1. Kirk Werner says:

      It all started with Jed Clampitt. I doubt anyone realized at the time, but The Beverly Hillbillies was a covert call to arms.

  9. Harry says:

    Strangly enough, I don’t see this as a” no way” idea. You just may be onto something here. Makes you go -hmmmmmmmmm.

    1. Kirk Werner says:

      Well, I was only half joking. I think BASSCAR is a very real possibility. The UA sponsoring a team, not so much.

  10. Jeremy says:

    That is some funny sh#t right there. Seeing Roland Martin behind the wheel backing his boat down the ramp…”son”

    Btw – enjoy your blog

    1. Kirk Werner says:

      Thanks for the good word, Jeremy. BASSCAR could also spawn some tremendous reality TV shows…

  11. River Mud says:

    What’s the identify of that Steamboat Willy character in the last picture?!

    1. Kirk Werner says:

      I have no idea…I thought perhaps it was The Rev. Billy Gibbons when I found that photo…

  12. Mysticfish says:

    Now you have done it Kirk. Your idea has plenty of appeal and I’m sure its only a season or two away. I have always held forth that the only good thing about NASCAR is that it keeps thousands of people off our waters. At least they are not likely to hold events in my favorite states. Good luck with the sponsorship.

    1. Kirk Werner says:

      Yeah, I think you’re fairly safe from BASSCAR events in Montana and Alaska. Too much roadside wildlife, for starters…

  13. Clif says:

    I am currently accepting sponsorship applications. Contact my people.

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